When you can’t know how long an unusual situation will last, it makes sense to just wait for it to blow over. But if it goes on long enough, you must adapt.
Many weeks into lockdown, I had mostly adapted by eating a frankly staggering amount of Toblerones. This was nice, but there were side effects: I felt unhealthy, tired, and unmotivated. Every day I fell further behind on chores, making each room at home slightly depressing to walk into, which only reduced my motivation further. I went to bed every night regretting how little I’d achieved, and this extra guilt simply tightened the downward spiral the next day.
But the best thing about spirals is that they work both ways.
Inspiration from unexpected places
Some years ago I read a book called The Upward Spiral by a neuroscientist named Alex Korb. The central idea is that chaining enough tiny changes together generates positive momentum, which can reverse downward spirals and escape depression. I can’t say I was technically depressed, but if I carried on I was destined to become 90% Toblerone and 10% failure.
Bizarrely, the trigger to begin reversing this spiral was a comment on the Puttytribe, which linked to FlyLady.net—a strange, old-fashioned website, filled with cleaning advice and confusing acronyms, aimed squarely at older American housewives.
Despite not being her target demographic, I found her basic message compelling. Beneath all the impenetrable acronyms lay a very simple program, and it began with one instruction: clean your kitchen sink.
This seed of an idea landed on fertile ground. I’d been craving an actionable, simple, isolated task. A small win that could be the first bit of positive momentum in my Upward Spiral.
I didn’t let myself think about it. I rose, I went to the kitchen, and I scrubbed the sink until it sparkled. (After emptying it of the pile of dishes and pans, naturally.) I stood back to admire my work, and I couldn’t help noticing the counter was dirty. Luckily, I had all the cleaning stuff out already, so I scrubbed that, too.
Minutes later, the kitchen looked great. For the rest of the day, every time I entered it I got a little buzz of happy brain chemicals. I returned to my computer and digested a bunch more cleaning tips for boomer American housewives, and a new plan for lockdown clicked into place in my mind.
Cleaning a toilet exactly once
I returned from my daily walk with a couple of extra cleaning sprays, some microfiber cloths, and some thoughts about inertia.
In physics, inertia describes how difficult it is to change the velocity of an object. It’s a concept we all intuitively understand. As a child I learned pretty quick that small objects moving slowly are easy to deflect. Later, I learned that a go-kart accelerating downhill cannot be stopped by using your feet as brakes, at least not if you intend to be able to walk easily afterwards.
Similarly, our lives have inertia in all kinds of ways, big and small. For example—and as the FlyLady points out—it can be daunting to clean, say, a dirty toilet. But wiping an already-clean toilet with cleaning spray for ten seconds a day is incredibly easy. Which means that the only difficult part of having a permanently-clean toilet is cleaning it the first time.
It’s easier to maintain momentum than to build it.
Her example was about toilets, but this applies much more widely. Inertia works both ways; enough of it is almost impossible to stop. Take brushing my teeth—not only does it take zero effort every morning, it would actively be harder not to do it. There’s nothing special about toothbrushing, except that I’ve internalized it and made the inertia impossible to stop. Surely I could make more aspects of my life this effortless?
Since my inspiration came via toilets, I would begin there.
The next day, I took the approach I’d taken to the kitchen sink into the bathroom. One simple task: clean it. In less than an hour, every sink and toilet in my house was sparkling.
On day two, the ten-second wipe downs cost me nothing, and for the entire day I got a buzz whenever I entered the bathroom. (Writing this sentence is not how I expected my 2020 to go, but, at this stage, I’ll take it.) That energy sustained me to make healthier choices during my grocery shopping than I had since lockdown started.
Day three, and the ten-second wipe down was—if anything—easier still. I was eating well, my home was clean, and I discovered some excess energy to finish work that I had been putting off for a while. Momentum was now working with me instead of against me.
On day four, I had to push myself to keep up the maintenance, but reminding myself that a tiny amount of daily effort would lead to larger future payoffs was enough. Afterwards, I still had energy to work, exercise, and eat well. I wasn’t doing any of these things perfectly, but I was doing them all better, and this was enough to keep building the positive spiral.
**
It didn’t have to be cleaning. The point of this story isn’t “clean your sink and toilet”—although those aren’t bad ideas! I could have instead put my energy into cooking a good meal, or reading a book, or improving my home, or pushups. Worrying about what to pick is less important than just doing something—anything.
This one insight—that it’s easier to maintain momentum than to build it—helped me to focus my (initially) limited energy on getting one thing into “maintenance mode” every day. Over time, these jobs become easier and more automatic, until, like brushing your teeth, it’s harder not to do it. For me, this frees up energy for everything else.
Of course, this is all easier said than done when you’re in the middle of a deeply negative spiral, and especially during an all-encompassing global crisis. I was able to find the energy to attack that kitchen sink, but I can easily imagine finding even that too much.
But that’s the good thing about spirals—you can always start at the very smallest bit, and work outwards from there.
Your Turn
Have you ever stopped a negative spiral to build up a positive one? Do you have any tips for turning negative inertia into positive momentum? Share your story with the community in the comments!
Cecil Barnard says
I can fully agree – it is similar to the military principle of making your bed, perfectly, every day.
After I left active service I remained fit (ish), but beer, pizza and hot chips (what the Americans call ‘French fries’) made my weight balloon with 20kg. I could not fit into my expensive motorcycle leathers. I made a decision – I quit using sugar, and any product that contained added sugar (all varieties of sugar); it was six months of hard struggle. I kept telling myself ‘hey dude, you were a soldier, it was easy, this is easy’. After six months I no longer missed the sweetness. Over December I decided to cut all carbs – I lost all excess weight – 20kg, and gained about 6kg extra muscle. This is now 6 months later, I am as fit as a young soldier, I sleep well, and I am healthy- it all started by cutting sugar. Small steps
Neil Hughes says
Small steps definitely all add up. Thanks for sharing your story, Cecil, I’m sure it’ll inspire others too 🙂
Katrin Binder says
Totally love this, and just what I needed to hear! Despite having been a FlyBaby for years (after overcoming my resistance to her whacky site). Another favourite is: you are not behind, just jump on where you are. This can equally be applied to anything, not just cleaning and decluttering. It means that even if I’ve missed a day practising cello, no big deal, I just jump in where I left off the previous time without beating myself up (too much, LOL)
James Janson Young says
“you are not behind, just jump on where you are” – love this! Can instantly apply to my piano practice. Many thanks!
Neil Hughes says
Hahah, I’m glad it’s not just me, Katrin! And yes, I love that motto: “you’re not behind”, I think it sums things up SO well. I have to fight to remember it too.
Neeraja Gandla says
Hi Neil
“It’s easier to maintain momentum than to build it.” – Very well said.
I could totally relate to your thoughts during the lockdown. I spent most of the lockdown preparing for an interview which took place last week. I’m trying to set up a new routine now so that I don’t find myself thinking what to pick or thinking why should I wake up early. I also ordered a few books to read. Hope that will help me feel better.
Take Care
Neil Hughes says
Thanks Neeraja. I hope the interview went well!
Brenda says
Gratitude. And joy! This article uplifts me in so many ways. I know about Fly Lady. My sister used her website for years as a mom homeschooling children and running a household. Seems a lot like lockdown to me! Anyway, thank you. Bless you.
Amy Morris-Dudley says
My favorite FlyLady motto is “get dressed to your shoes.” It’s so easy–especially in this COVID world–to stay in pajamas all day. But if I’m dressed, shoes on, anything is possible!
Neil Hughes says
She’s definitely an inspiration, although putting my shoes on at home makes me feel stressed so I definitely haven’t absorbed that particular one. I do agree that changing your clothes to change your mood is a solid strategy though 😀
Paula Mae says
Exactly. This inertia-breaking effort and spiral-momentum is likely the very science behind, “God helps those who help themselves.” I enjoy seeing science finally catching up to spirituality principles. It’s an exciting, spiraling momentum of its own! It’s a little sad to say so, but I can also be grateful to this pandemic for giving so many people the opportunity to slow down, do these experiments, and discover some important truths about how to make this world a better place, all by choosing our actions and attitude, consistently.
Andrea Dale says
Good morning Neil! I confess. My danger food was Smashmellows.
I brought home three bags of these gourmet marshmallows when the quarantine began. My partner and I snacked on a few every night in our upstairs bedroom. With flavors like Cinnamon Churro, Dark Chocolate Dipped Cold Brew and Dark Chocolate Dipped Raspberry how could I resist? Other evening “coping” foods included various mashups of chocolate, caramel and sea salt (and salt & vinegar potato chips). As the days and treats passed by Jim asked me to hide the bags so he could avoid the daily visual temptation. Then at night he would bury his head beneath his pillow so I could get a treat for him (and me) from the “hidden” stash…Beneath our bed. (No he doesn’t read this blog so my admittedly pathetic hiding spot is safe.)
Then my workout regime zipped out the window..No running, no trips to the gym (which was closed), no workouts on our back porch, nothing. This went on for probably two months. As a result my headspace was becoming increasingly negative. The anxiety ridden thoughts led to an absence of action. I had deserted the habit of getting up earlier in the morning. I also had no gym to work out at anyway, so what was the point? Like many I thought..”I’ll just wait it out until things get better.” Two months later,–Well that was useful, wasn’t it? No gyms were open and it was unclear how safe working out at the gym would be.
So I started small. I figured that doing anything I could get myself to do consistently was a win. So I began walking in the morning. Just a half hour trip. That was easy. No gear, no multi-step workout, no sweat (mostly, depending on the humidity). Just shorts, shoes and a t-shirt. I also began listening to fictional audio books; allowing me to enjoy a total break from my negative thoughts with a great story.
Today, I am working out three days a week and walking the other mornings. My mental space is so much better. The late night snack eating is pretty much gone. (Ya gotta have something unhealthy sometimes!) When I backslide I remind myself “I have learned what works and isn’t that cool?” and then I recall “gradual is good” and to not overthink it. All I need to do is re-start walking and I am back on my workout road again.
Neil Hughes says
Yum, never heard of smashmellows but they sound delicious! 😀 And that’s awesome, Andrea, I love hearing how you built up your own momentum. Thanks so much for sharing! 😀
Melissa A Bettcher says
Yeasss!!!! I have found that the first five minutes of any activity is the hardest but if you can get past that you can usually keep going. I have also started using some CBT techniques to tell myself that even five minutes of a task is better than no minutes of a task. I am a procrastinator perfectionist and my biggest challenge is that if I do not have the perfect triumvirate of energy, time, and supplies that there is no point in doing whatever the task is. I have been learning that you don’t need to be in the “right” mood to do something. If it needs to be done, just get it started. I say to myself, again, five minutes is all I need to do, if I really can’t continue after that then I can stop. I hardly ever stop as the momentum has kicked in.
Fatemeh Baktash says
I resonate with that so much. I’m also a procrastinator and a perfectionist and since there is literally no pressure on me to do anything during this pandemic, I’ve fallen into the usual trap of “It’s not perfect so it’s not worth doing”. That has led me to not doing much most of the time. Yesterday I was feeling down and I didn’t feel like executing any of my plans but then I tried to convince myself to JUST START and to my pleasure, I did the thing and didn’t give it up halfway through it.
Neil Hughes says
Yes! “Slow movement is better than no movement” is another one I use in the same way!
James Janson Young says
Great article – ahh, the spiral! After some major surgery a few years back I was home recovering. Some days I was totally wiped out; others I managed a few household chores, but I never knew what the next day would hold. So, on the days I had a little extra energy, I’d do a little something to help myself out the following day: prepare lunch, do the laundry etc. I called it ‘future-gifting‘ – my wife thought it was brilliant and started ‘future-gifting’ herself! Sure enough it became quite addictive. We now take ten minutes after our daughter falls asleep to future-gift ourselves a slightly easier following day. These ten minutes became a whirlwind of future-gifting! This article reminded me of it – thanks again.
Gabriela Montoya-Eyerman says
Neil, this is awesome. I read Flylady’s advice about 12 years ago when I had two toddlers and a tween running around. I guess I am sort of her demographic.. damn I feel old. Anyway, ever since I read her page, any time my kitchen is not clean I have a mental flash to her blog.. so the fly lady will live on and when I don’t feel like cleaning the sink to fly lady standards (because she does have pictures of a super shiny sink on the page), I make a mental apology to the fly lady.. Great stuff Neil as usual. A thing I do when I feel like a day went by without much done (and start the mental beatings on my inner slacker), I get my planner out and start writing down the things I did do. Then I can breathe a sigh of relief and ignore the dirty sink.
Aderinsola Adio-Adepoju says
Sometimes we just need to stop and admit we are going down. Typically when I am going down a spiral, the moment of breakthrough is when I realise it. Immediately I do, I externalize my fear by talking to a friend or my spouse. I complain about all the things I am doing wrong for so long it annoys me. Once I am able to say all the things I am doing wrong, I start to get the motivation to do better. I think just painting the terrible picture and listening to it myself makes me feel bad enough to make changes. Interestingly, I immediately set gaols that are SMART towards this. I recently turned off notification on my social media apps to curb a phone addiction that was building.
Priyanka says
Great story, Neil. I was definitely super crabby during the initial lockdown having to take care of the home, my spirited toddler, and work.
Two things have helped me get on an upward spiral: one doing the dishes every day. I reread Dana K White’s hilarious and super analytical book on housekeeping How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind which was a game changer and super relevant. She calls it dishes math – how dishes get exponentially tougher as the days go by and how it’s impossible to keep a liveable home without doing dishes daily. Did I mention I squirreled away spares so that we are now using just the bare dishes and pans? That helps too!
The second thing that’s been really helpful is deepening my art journaling practice and making time to create in it at least a few times a week. I remind myself that when we have the least time and energy for self-care is when we need it most. So I’ve been drawing trees to help me ground and feel connected to nature even when I’m inside, and doing abstracts of my messy feelings. I feel calmer and more peaceful – better than before.
Neil Hughes says
That tree-drawing sounds so lovely 😀 Finding these little sources of energy is SO important.
Chris R says
I have found myself dragging my feet to do the crafts and arts I enjoy. I recently found the same “trick”: Instead of thinking about the end result, I’ll say, well, let’s just pull together all the supplies, thread and needles, etc. I’ll need. Then as long as I have those out, heck might as well sit down and start stitching. Or decluttering. I needed to scan a ton of paperwork. I started with, well, just pile up all the folders. Then, just scan this one page. Well, you’ve started, might as well finish that folder.
It’s almost like slipping past my inner critic sideways.
Joe says
I thought this would be an article about a cleaning spray that would change my life. :-/
Anna-Maria says
Hi Neil! Loved your article!
During the quarantine I felt really pressured. The academic year wasn’t over just yet, so I had to keep studying regularly. (which was not actually that bad ’cause I had plenty to do and I was never bored…)
However, each time I tucked myself to bed I felt as if there was no point in my day. I just wasn’t satisfied. And talking to my friends (who were in a similar condition) didn’t help as much as I had figured. At some point I couldn’t put my thoughts together. So I decided to do something about it…
I signed up on TED and each day I watched one or two talks. After a while I decided to take notes and after a month I started translating short videos. And I felt useful and a bit… creative.
When the quarantine was over I realised that without interacting with the outside world I wouldn’t be able to continue my effort. (at least without getting nuts…)
So I guess that discovering and finding new hobbies that trigger thoughts you’d never believe you’d make is the key to reversing the negative spiral.
Thanks again for the article!
Magdalena MJ says
Thanks for this article – good timing. I am recently spending my time with not seen for a milion years family. It’s fantastic to see them at last and be able to enjoy our energy together. But I feel that some of my routines that I applied in my life during lockdown, the routines I felt very well about, are slowly gone. The energy of other people, sometimes a bit lazy or not focused and lack of my own tiny space where I can hide for a while and do my stuff are distracting for me and somehow demotivating. Yeah, I know it’s only 2 weeks of holidays, but I am not happy about eating too much, sleeping too much, not doing some creative work I planned to. From my experience creating and keeping a routine in your own place is easy to do. But maintaining it somewhere else? Here struggle starts and the strong will emergency service must be called.
What is your experience in such situations?
Catherine says
Great article like always Neil. It’s so hard to stop the spiral once it begins, even though you know that one simple action can help stop it.
I’ve recently implemented a bathroom cleaning day: Monday. Sometimes it’s so easy to get caught up on everything that I need to do but I have a small bathroom, I’ve timed it and it takes me maximum 30 minutes to clean it. 30 minutes!! By having a specific day to clean my bathroom, I find it easier to clean, I’m not constantly thinking about it and I just know that on Mondays I need to clean the bathroom.
My goal these days is to remind myself that even 10 minutes is better than nothing. Not always easy though but organizing my home and cleaning just for 10 minutes, for some reason, gives me motivation to work on my side projects. It seems like I’ve gained control somehow.
Simona says
Unfortunatelly; with Covid restrictions, many spirals could have been formed.
Fortunatelly, we can break them down with tips like Neil’s.
Don’t think about the task, think about the outcome, the good feeling about a clean kitchen. I always feel well when there’s no mess, when places are tidied up. Some psychologists say that the place you leave is the mirror of what’s happening in your head. If there’s a mess, you are less like to be desturbed by the mess around you.
And if there are too many pans and dirty food ervice to clean, devide the quantity: today wash only the pans, tomorrow there will be less to clean, and so on.
Think about the good feeling and split tasks so they are less overhelming.
And the outcome, whatever it is, will break the spiral and enforce motivation to keep going on the good path.
Fatemeh Baktash says
I loved that you said, “Don’t think about the task, think about the outcome”. I do abs workout everyday since the start of pandemic and some days when it gets tough in the middle of exercises I just ask myself, “why on earth am I doing this? I’m not going anywhere no one is going to see me, so maybe it’s better to let go. Why bother?” but then I just need to look at the pictures of my belly before I started and compare them to now to get rid of that thought. Another trick that I find helpful is that I say to myself, “Just do half of them today,” and that has led to doing all of the exercises most of the time. Even if I feel down and I do quit after half of them, I’ve still done better than just sitting on the couch the whole day.
Neil Hughes says
Exactly, Simone! I often tell myself I don’t have to make things perfect, I just have to make them better. A slightly cleaner room, a few emails answered, a bit of progress on a project… it’s all better than nothing 🙂 thanks for this!
Iraide says
Dear Neil,
Your realisation about the upward spiral is systematically described in the book “Tiny Habits”, by BJ Fogg.
There, he explains that behaviour equals motivation+ability+prompt. If the task is very hard and you are not very motivated to do it, it will fall below the action line even if you are prompted to do it.
Thus, making the task easier gets you moving. This not only applies to habits, but also to ways to avoid procrastinating on things.
Besides, BJ Fogg also analyses how to stop bad habits (these often get in the way of the habits you want to create).
I recommend you to take a look at these two links:
– https://lifehacker.com/how-to-stop-procrastinating-with-behavior-scientist-bj-1842027698
– https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdKUJxjn-R8
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in your article! 🙂
Best,
Iraide