Today I’m going to attempt to answer a question I get asked pretty often:
Does our need for variety, our yearning to explore new things, and the boredom we feel once we’ve “gotten what we came for” in our projects extend to our relationships?
I’m getting married in 10 days, so I thought this would be good time to tackle this particular question.
My short answer is no. or rather, this has not been my experience. And here’s why: People are not constants.
We probably all have a baseline personality and some core values that will always be there. But over the course of our lives, we become interested in new things and try on different identities (this is especially true of multipotentialites). New layers get added to our personalities and our world view becomes more complex and nuanced as we grow.
Being in a partnership means accepting that you will both change. It means being a supportive force in your partner’s growth, even if that growth takes them in directions that are foreign to you.
My life is actually way more exciting because Valerie pushes me to try new things and get out of my comfort zone. To use a career analogy, I see a monogamous, longterm relationship a bit like a Group Hug career. There’s plenty of fun, variety, and novelty involved, as well as ample opportunities to learn.
And yet, sometimes things do get routine or stale.
Drawing again from the work models, even people using the Group Hug approach have outside interests and hobbies that aren’t a part of their professional work.
This just speaks to the fact that our partners (and our careers) can’t be everything to us. We need friends and activities outside of the relationship.
We also sometimes need to mix things up in our relationships. From time to time, we might choose to break out of our routines and do something new together. Relationships take work, and sometimes that means getting a little creative.
I also can’t deny the fact that for some people, a monogamous relationship with our own friends and interests on the side, doesn’t provide enough adventure and variety. Some people choose to have non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships, and that’s totally another way to do it.
But do I think that it’s possible for a multipotentialite to be in a happy, committed, longterm relationship? Yes, I do. Or at least I hope so!
August 20 is the date. I wish I could invite you all, but there just isn’t space in our friends’ backyard!
In any case. I’m excited.
Does your multipotentiality extend to your romantic relationships? Do you ever get “bored,” the way you might with a project or field you’ve outgrown?