I was having lunch with a friend the other day, and she started telling me about her newly sparked interest in interior design. As she spoke, something interesting happen: her voice become timid, revealing what almost sounded like shame…
It was as if she was afraid that I was judging her, simply for exploring something new.
Of course, being the outspoken (yet introverted) multipotentialite that I am, I had the complete opposite reaction. I immediately got excited for her and wanted to hear more about her new passion. She began telling me about lighting, “room themes,” and the relationship between interior design and mental health.
As she went on about all the nuances and intricacies of interior design, her hesitancy not only disappeared, but she literally came alive.
She was a multipotentialite in love.
Later I asked why she’d seemed so worried about sharing her new interest with me. She told me that she’s actually stopped sharing her pursuits with a lot of people in her life because they often don’t take her seriously. So many people just roll their eyes and smile condescendingly, as if to say, “Yeah yeah, sure. What’ll it be tomorrow?”
I used to feel this way a lot. I remember one extremely painful experience, when I ran into an old teacher from high school. She asked me what I was up to and I excitedly shared my latest project. She responded by saying, “I thought you were going to be a filmmaker.”
Internalizing the shame
This experience hurt a lot at the time, but instead of thinking that there was something very wrong with my teacher’s reaction, I thought that it was me with the problem. I felt ashamed, broken.
Of course, now I find the entire exchange incredibly offensive. I mean, just take my friend. Conversations like these have made her afraid to share the things she’s most excited about in her life. She had internalized the shame of being a “quitter” to such an extent, that even with me, she was afraid to be herself.
Yes, there is a huge problem with society’s refusal to recognize and value multipotentialites. However, we need to stop applying specialist standards to ourselves. It’s hurting us.
What finishing means to a specialist
Here’s the thing, specialists define finishing differently than multipotentialites. To a specialist, finishing means hitting an external end point, like obtaining a degree, or even devoting your life to one path. It means 10,000 hours or some shit (that’s right, I said it).
Anything short of mastery is seen as a failure—as giving up. But even being pretty good at something can have actual practical application in the world.
What finishing means to a multipotentialite
To a multipotentialite, however, finishing looks very different. As Barbara Sher discusses in her amazing book, Refuse to Choose, finishing simply means that you got what you came for.
“What you came for” could be the completion of a project (multipods tend to be more project-oriented, which allows us to hit an end point faster, so that we can get the experience and move on), but it could also be something more internal, like developing new skills, exploring, creating, teaching, problem solving, etc.
For example, I had a student who loves understanding the “syntax” behind her various interests (that’s how she explained it). She loves diving in, really cracking the code, and understanding how something works– the hidden pattern, language and scripts that are at play. But once she understands that syntax, she becomes bored and loses interest.
We all have driving forces that move us from interest to interest. Once that driving force is satisfied, there’s no longer any reason to stick around.
Barbara Sher uses the analogy of a bee. You wouldn’t judge a bee for leaving the flower, after it gets the nectar, would you? Of course not. It got what it came for, why on earth would it stick around?
What did you come for?
As someone who loves psychology and personal development, I often try to pinpoint my goals before embarking on a new project. Sometimes it’s the completion of a project, other times it’s a particular skill or quality that I’m trying to cultivate (becoming more creative, pushing myself out of my comfort zone, developing my public speaking skills, etc).
It helps to know what your goals are before embarking down a new path. That way you’ll know for yourself when you’ve hit your end point, and you won’t inadvertently start applying someone else’s definition of finished, and continue past the point of boredom. Boredom is your body’s way of telling you that it’s time to move on.
Not knowing your end point is okay as long as you listen to yourself (and not the specialist bully inside)
Although having a “Why” can go a long way towards motivating productivity, I don’t actually believe that you must know your exact end point before beginning. A lot of the time we don’t know how the dots will connect, or what we’ll truly get out of an experience, until reflecting back years later.
In these circumstances (well, in all circumstances really), it’s important to listen to yourself and trust your intuition. This means really paying attention and appreciating the little voice inside that screams: I want to study interior design!
The voice may be very faint at first, especially when compared to the booming specialist bully inside who’s been yelling at you for years to “grow up and choose.” But the more you listen to the little voice and give your multipotentialite interests an outlet, the easier it will get, and the quieter that bully will become.
Similarly, when your body is telling you that it’s time to move on, listen to it. (Of course make sure that it’s not Resistance trying to trick you into stopping prematurely.)
The advice to “finish what you start” is everywhere!
The message to “finish what you start” is ubiquitous. You hear it from practically every freaking “productivity expert” on the planet. I’m sorry, but this advice simply doesn’t cut it for us multipotentialites.
So I say, DON’T finish what you start. Or if you do, then you’d better redefine what finishing means to you.
Your Turn
How do you know when you’re finished with a project or pursuit?
Looking for a business idea that will allow you to focus on many of your interests and use all of your skills on a regular basis? Check out my popular guide, Renaissance Business.
I still hear the inner chatter about being a quitter or that I need to decide what I want to be when I grow up. It’s not as loud as it used to be but it’s can, at times, be pretty argumentative. I’ve found that being “finished” doesn’t necessarily mean that I completely walk away from something — I have a number of things that come and go depending on what’s happening in the rest of my life. What I dislike is people who think I’m a “know it all” because I can intelligently talk about so many different things. I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t know it ALL — rather I’ve got really varied interests that allow me to carry on conversations with almost anyone and not sound stupid.
Interesting symbolism about the bee (even more so as my name means “the bee”).
When I’m finished with something it gets boring and I lose interest. It’s really bad when I’ve started a new job and after the first 6 months I’m ready to move on — when I figure out what I’m doing and clean up the problems I inherited. In today’s job market, moving on isn’t always possible. There’s nothing worse than staying someplace when you’re completely bored 🙂
Anyway … thanks, Emilie, for another great post.
Right, and also, in today’s job market, sometimes staying PUT isn’t possible. 🙂
Yeah, I have issue with people who judge others for being “know-it-alls” (or for any reason really). It’s like calling someone stuck up, when they’re really just confident. I think both ultimately stem from jealousy.
Thanks for your comment, Debi.
I’ve noticed some people getting eye-rolly around me when they think I’m being a know-it-all. I’ve altered my behaviour around these people to keep my lips zipped more often than not. But I don’t take issue with them because I can understand how it could be exhausting to be around someone who always has an opinion or always knows something about the topic of conversation and has to put that out there. In fact, I feel that way about other know-it-all MPs sometimes. Learning to keep quiet and to just listen can be instructive, too. Sometimes people just want to mouth off about something they know nothing about, but they also aren’t interested in being informed about it either, so telling them just leads to eye rolling. They really don’t care about the topic; they’re just trying to be funny or sociable.
As far as Work/Life balance goes, I prefer a “Dull Boring Medical Device Production” Job that I can easily leave at work and not take home with me. This way at work I can think and work on all the other interesting things I am doing with my life at work. That way my job interferes with my other projects in a steady expected way. A more interesting job might turn dull or intrude unexpectedly, causing more problems then the interestingness is worth.
Thanks for the great posts, Emilie.
Unless my scanning has to do with something conceptual or information only, I usually try to complete one item from a new project. This really drives it home whether or not I have enough sustaining interest to incorporate it as part of my business ventures. I am taking your advice from one of your posts to have a little bit of a cooling period between new passions, since purchasing supplies while in the “love” mode (which can happen a lot with my brain) can get REALLY expensive and not always pan out.
I agree with Debi’s comment that some people look at multipotentialites as “know it alls” or threats to their own intelligence. Sometimes I pass on commenting in front of short sided people like that and laugh to myself when I find them giving out incorrect facts and figures on topics! Ignorant people like that will hang themselves, if you give them enough rope. 🙂 It is a little game that I play to make it easier to put up with certain people that I am forced by business or relationships to spend a certain amount of time with… Ugh! Since venturing out on my own into the internet, I have just simply got tired of being the recipient of their scorn and have tried to phase them out of my life as much as I possibly can. But I have true friends (that are NOT multipotentialites) that compliment me on my enthusiasm for making any topic in my aresenal interesting and wonder how I keep the info all in one brain! LOL 😉 So… It is definitely a weeding out process with who one surrounds themselves with – negative vs. positive.
Great website Emilie! I am currently reading through old posts and am relieved to hear that there are more people like me in the world and can hopefully harness all my interests into a productive business for myself. Thanks!
Thanks Brenda. I’ve cut toxic people out of my life too. I find that being around negativity hurts my confidence and productivity. I don’t need that. Gotta protect myself.
I can relate to the points you’re making in this.
“To a specialist, finishing means hitting an external end point, like obtaining a degree, or even devoting your life to one path. It means 10,000 hours or some shit (that’s right, I said it) Anything short of “mastery” is seen as a failure– as “giving up.” Forget about the fact that even being moderately good at something can have actual practical application in the world.”
^^ I read Gladwell’s book, and he came to an interesting point (though some find it debatable). He says that most people require about 10,000 hours to become good at something. But those who were *great* weren’t necessarily better than those who were just “good” at it. That you don’t have to be *the best* in order to be successful. And yes there are some things (like doctors, for example) where getting that 10k and then some is probably a good thing. In our case, I think we have the 10k hours specializing in learning new things and adapting new information very quickly. That in itself is quite a skill that some can never master.
I am one of those people that becomes interested in learning new things and often change my focus after I feel I’ve done “enough” of something or just lose interest in it. But, I can understand an outside person’s impression of that behavior as being, well, flaky. It’s the things I stuck with longest that I feel most accomplished about (perhaps by then I’d gotten my 10,000 hours in, I dunno.) This doesn’t keep me from wanting to try new things, and I kind of feel it’s my best and sometimes worst attribute.
Ultimately, I think when you stop worrying about what others think, then it really doesn’t matter. Make your own goals and your own definition of success.
Yeah, I agree with what you said at the end. Why waste your time trying to prove something to other people? I’ve also found that people who are creating themselves don’t criticize others nearly as much. When I get criticism, it’s almost always from someone who’s not doing very much themselves.
I relate to the “what are you going to be tomorrow” statement. I switched majors in college 14 different times, and every time my roommates would scoff using this statement. Even after I “finished” my bachelors (in political science) and masters (in theology) I decided not to pursue those options. I was done being involved in those areas.
I hate the 10,000 hour thing because I will never get there. Ever. It’s not an option. It’s not defeatist thinking either. I would just get bored.
I agree with @Debi. Finishing= when you get bored.
Thanks Emilie for combating the 10,000 hour craze. I know the good folks at Expert Enough tried to tackle this question too. But of course there were very few multipotentialites in the conversation.
Yeah, I can’t quite figure out Expert Enough. It’s run by multipotentialites, but there also seems to be a lot of talk about “becoming an expert.”
I think boredom is a symptom of being done. It happens when you’re no longer stimulated, i.e. you got what you came for.
I don’t know what to make of EE either. Sometimes I feel like it caters to us, but other times it goes into hyper expert mode. I usually either leave the site feeling great or really lousy.
Thanks for posting this. It came just the right time. I will now remember to define my finishing point by “getting what I came for”. Life has just gotten a lot simpler and I can let go of some guilt now.
Thanks again.
Cool, I’m glad. Thanks for the comment, Livia.
The word relationship keeps ringing in my ear. Youch.
This could apply to relationships, certainly. Of course again, it would be important to make sure that it really is the end and not just resistance/fear. I also might re-frame it in less egocentric terms than “you got what you came for”. Something more like: “you both learned what you came into the relationship to learn,” or something.
Great article (again:)) I´ve found this to be one of the things many scanners/multipods suffer from the most – the inner voice saying their way is wrong and the fear (that is usually totally legitimate) of being judged from others. Personally I still find it hard to tell the difference when my lost of interest has to do with actually “being done” (according to the bee-defenition) and when it has to do with resistance (like fear of success…:S ) But one picture that I´ve found helpful to justify the “bee-behaviour”, both for myself and scanner friends and clients, is the analog with watching movies. Very few people would think you´re strange if you like to watch movies (or reading fiction) sometimes – even if they are on totally different topics and even genres. Imagine someone who enthusiasticly tells you one week about a comedy they´ve seen, and the next week about an action movie. Would you ask them questions like “What´s the use with that?” “What do they want to achieve?” or, “OK, and I bet next week you´ll be all into drama…!” The thing is, for scanners the experience of diving into a new area they´ve fallen in love with pretty much equals the excitement others feel when watching an action movie or going downhill skiing. And just because most people think that “studying” equals “boring” they simply don´t understand this.
Nice analogy, Ann-Sofi. You’re right. I also think that most documentary filmmakers (and filmmakers in general) are probably multipotentialites for the same reason– you get to explore many different topics “through your lens.” Also it’s a field that requires you to know about a lot of different areas (writing, directing, editing, etc). Definitely one of the things that drew me to it… Of course, then I got bored and moved on. 🙂
First time commenter.
Love reading your stuff, Em. I have a lot of “I’m not the only one” moments everytime I read a new piece.
I’m the same as your “syntax” student. If I tallied up the “unfinished” projects (or video games, haha) over the years… well, it’d be a really long list. And there is always a collection of future projects to do, most of which will probably end as “unfinished” – or at least “finished-enough”.
Yup, you sound like a typical multipotentialite to me, Tom. Heh. Welcome to the clan. 🙂
I couldn’t agree more with this beautifully written post! It’s so funny – one of my “unfinished” projects is this children’s book and accompanying little video on YouTube that I made a couple of years ago, and this post made me think of it, and I didn’t realize until now that it’s about being a Multipotentialite! Which just goes to show that just when you think something’s no longer serving you, it pops back up and serves you again! We gain something so valuable from everything we put our heart into, and those little threads run through everything we do and come together in the most wonderful ways – wether we “finish” or not! Just thought I’d share that little “full-circle” moment I had today. Thanks Emilie! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsiCWclUJ-I
This story is so cool, Sunni. I shared it on my Facebook pages. Maybe you have more in you 🙂
Beautiful Sunni! Thanks for sharing that with us.
Also, I agree, some interests definitely do resurface after years, though often in different forms. I don’t bother trying to make sense of my interests anymore. I just trust that if I’m being drawn to something, there’s a reason. And usually it works out just fine. 🙂
I love this post, Emilie!
I’ve been really considering whether I am ‘done’ with some major projects in my life, looking for a new direction to pivot toward. I feel like the idea of following through to the end, not quitting before you succeed, etc. etc. has been drilled into me.
Not to mention all that “War of Art” stuff about resistance, which is great–people talking about how resistance is a sign you’re actually on the right path, break through it, etc.
Now I’m reading this and thinking, maybe my resistance is a sign that I’m done. I love the idea that done can simply mean getting what you came for–self defined success that can just be an experience or a skill.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do next but I feel more permission and leniency with myself. So thank you.
P.S. found you through blogcast fm, love your work! xxoo
Ohhh, such a beautiful and encouraging post for all of us who fall in love with the next fun thing! Thanks so much. I’m a 40-something multipotentialite who happens to hand out with a bunch of other ones, so my three boys assume everyone has a handful of interests.
I’ve also found that most folks who give you the “Can’t you focus?!” rap are usually secretly intimidated by people who know about lots of different topics. Multipotentialite pride!
Hello Emilie and everyone 🙂 I just stumbled upon your website a couple days ago, and I have been reading and reading ever since. I have never come across anything about multipotentialitity before and I can honestly say that this realization may just change my life. All of the negative feelings and encounters that you describe seem like my own. I have always felt that something was wrong with me… why can’t I just pick something?… why don’t I know who I am? I am at a point in which I’m just beginning to think about starting “over” again and learning something new. The search has brought up so many negative thoughts and I have been feeling almost disgusted with myself… what are people going to say? Why on earth am I unhappy again? Who is going to hire me with such a random resume? Even though I am ready to move on with my work I have felt like a failure for even looking. I feel like it is expected of me to pick something and just stay with it and I will do this until I am miserable then finally make a switch. I have never once thought that having all of these interests could be a positive thing and I have felt judged by many people. But, now I found your page 🙂 and I hope I can start associating myself with the positive parts of multipotentiality and start seeing my potential and my worth. Thank you so much for getting this out there!! 🙂 Sherri
Wow. You have no idea how liberating this is. Actually, my 17 year old cousin asked me just a month ago, “Andiswa, what dont you want to do?” And my answer was NOTHING!! Sometimes I also hide things I want to do from people because I fell they will judge me for the “unfinished” or the “parked” thing I was crazy about last week or last year. There is also the bully inside me always putting pressure on me to “finish” and not to start on something new until I have put to bed the other thing. This post is really liberating.
For me personally, the illustration about the bee who leaves a flower once he has gotten the nectar just defines finishing. What really is the point of hanging around when you have got what you had come for? I am the biggest multipode I know, hahaha.
I LOVE this post, Emilie! It’s great to hear how you reached out to your friend and reignited her self-confidence with her multipod nature. It’s sometimes so disheartening to be in a world where the majority of people don’t understand that there’s strength and innovation in pursuing multiple things at once, and diversifying.
I’ve had so many interests at once growing up… it’s like a whirlwind to think about! From learning languages to musical instruments, I felt “wrong” for not pursuing an interest to expert status. I -wanted- to be fluent at Japanese and Hawaiian, and I really longed to learn the clarinet, flute, piano, drums, guitar, and violin… but I eventually got bored with each, and moved on to the next thing that piqued my interest. A lot of these interests waned to boredom just as you said– but looking back on it, it really -was- enough for me to just learn to play a few songs, or to have a conversation with a native. The experience of something new was enough fulfillment for me to move on, but society trained me to feel guilty about it. (Not anymore!) 🙂
Now, even as I pursue my ultimate passion of starting a professional organizing business, after receiving my Master’s in Counseling, I often get the “So you’re just going to give up on Counseling?” or “You’re putting that on hold?” Or people think it’s just a side thing, and another phase I’m going through. It’s so hard to talk about my mission at times, and I often default to the “Well, I can still use my Counseling degree for this business,” to which most people nod. But it still doesn’t feel quite right… I know that I’m not fully understood, and that many people will -never- understand my multipotentialite nature and its strengths, but there are people (like you and your community!) who do get it. And that, in essence, is enough. 🙂
So after that long story, I just wanted to say thank you. I’m bookmarking this for sure and will share!
Cheers,
Lehua
My issue with never finishing anything applies to all the courses I have started in my life, from university onwards, because I get bored or change my mind or lose motivation. The problem? I am wasting an incredible amount of money. In January I started an expensive 1 year and a half long course, I was extremely excited at first, but now, 5 modules away from the end, I hate the idea of attending and I am in a bad mood at the idea of having to force myself to go. I know that I probably won’t carry on, but that means throwing away 5k. Does anyone have the same issue?
I have issues with starting and not finishing as I feel myself engaged when I am investing money in courses. So I keep going on, even if I feel I will never use it. The current one is a long journey through therapy. And I realized very quickly that I am not meant to be a therapist. But I am still going on. I am now taken a transversal path towards coaching within the same school but, in fact, I am already a coach. So, why should I persevere in this course? I don’t know but this is it. Feeling I have started something and paid for it means I have to go on. I am a kind of bachelor + 18 years of specialization in so many domains. however, I am still switching from a career path to another. And I never feel myself totally fullfilled. Something like: ‘I am missing something’. In the mean time, I am excellent at coaching other’s careers…
This is my first time visiting the website. I kind of discovered I had people like me..and there’s a name for it. Oh, Emilie. You’re fucking awesome.
Heheh why thank you! And right back atcha.
I have an example… I did a Masters in Clinical Psychology… I did great even though i knew that i didn’t want to “be” a psychologist. I just love the topic and thought that it would be fascinating… I love the human mind, love thoughts, etc… and i also tend to be the “go to pal” for my friends when they need to vent, cry, share a project that nobody else will support, etc…
When the classroom portion of the M.A. ended, it was time for the thesis… the thesis had to be super specific on a topic that i didn’t particularly care for and that project was going to determine if i was “worthy” of a “title” As you can probably imagine… i decided to NOT do the thesis project. It would have taken me at least a year to complete and i have other (not bigger… just other) fish to fry 🙂
I get bored and move on before I can get anything truly useful out of an endeavor or idea. It’s a huge problem because I have no income, no business sense or social/networking skills with which to promote any ideas I have (I’m extremely introverted). Ideas never get off the ground and I stop caring or I have to focus on survival with a dead end soul crushing job. I’ve tried to go back to doing things I used to spend a lot of time “cracking open”, such as expressing myself through various forms of art, but I just can’t do it anymore. I feel bored and done with it but there’s still no income from it because I can’t market anything. Forcing myself to draw or write when I don’t feel like it just yields substandard quality anyway. I’ve attempted several degrees in science and quit them all when I became bored (and my grades were good!). What to do… my family sees me as the failure, with an incredible wealth of “useless” knowledge in my head. “Just finish ANY degree!” they say. I can’t. I come to hate everything after a while. It’s like some addiction to consume or stimulation seeking, and I’m not even sure it’s a good thing.
Hey Ann,
Do you have people in your life who are pursuing creative and/or unconventional work? Also, I hope this doesn’t come across as trite, but have you looked into mindfulness practices (like meditation) or therapy? It feels like there may be more at play here than your multipotentiality. Some emotional support to help you build your confidence might really help.
Hi Ann, great advice from Emilie. What I’m also thinking is that you might benefit from remembering that we don’t have to make money from everything we love. The idea that if we don’t make money from a project it’s a waste of time, is something that puts a lot of multipods/scanners in trouble.
For many, building a renessaince business is a great solution, but for others the self-employed lifestyle just doesn’t fit. You might become much happier finding a “Good enough job” that leaves you with enough time, money and energy to pursue whatever interest you’re into at the moment for as long as the interest lasts – and then jump on to something new. (important: to qualify for a good enough job, it has to be something you feel OK doing, and in a good environment – nice collegues etc.)
It’s also important to find out what your “attention span” is. How long does an interest typically last – a few hours, days, weeks or years? Do you normally have one big passion, or several at the same time?
Depending on the answer, different carreers might suit you. For example: If you’re someone who can dig into anything for a few hours or days, you might consider doing research for journalists, writers or similar, if you like to stay with a subject for months or years, some kind of freelancer or consultant might fit.
You’ll find a lot of different ideas around lifestyle design in Barbara Shers’s “Refuse to choose”
It’s also important, as Emelie points out in the article, to separate lost interest from resistance. If you listen carefully to the voices in your head when you start to feel “bored” as you say, and what they’re really are saying are things like “it’s no use”, “it’ll never be any good anyway” etc. this is actually resistance, aka fear – trying to protect you from falling on your face. These voices can totally make you FEEL like you lost interest, but if you let them decide you will never find satisfaction, since your heart still secretly longs for something resistance decided you’re not allowed to get (or even think about!).
Wish you good luck!
I have always worried about this, on my hobbies (usually I stick for a couple of years) but mainly for my working “career” since I was 18 (31 of this year). I would usually quit jobs than be fired, and that is usually I hit the realization “I’m bored.” I would feel guilty, and my mom and arms-reach friends would chastise me for quitting when I have it stable. For me work becomes unbearable not because it is too hard, but when it becomes too easy and/or monotonous. Right now I pursued music production and audio engineering, but now I want to focus on web development and blog development, so thanks Emilie for writing this fantastic post and blog I am still exploring!
Thank you! I spent time with a counselor yesterday examining my behaviors of what has been call ADD. We got no where really. Today I listened to your Ted talk…. thank you…. thank you…. thank you!!! I understand me so much without the critical parents saying I should….You are a blessing in my life and I will pass your info onto to the world!!!
I am so happy to have found this site! I am so happy to have discovered the concept of multi-potentiality. Have you found this attribute to be more common in younger people, or is there a collective “Ah HA!” from people in every generation?
Back to my own experience. I tend to throw myself into disciplines in threes and fives. I am way over-committed on my schedule. Full-time work, full-time student, social organizer, business coach, life coach, professional musician, distribution executive, author, public speaker, entrepreneur and so on. I have had at least six or seven career paths, and 40 or more jobs in and out of those careers. I tend to prepare and equip for a given interest, and be interested in it for a few years. Then I want to move on. I have usually managed to pay the bills, but life has been challenging at times as well. I really want to figure out how to handle all this, and also maintain health and well-being. I have never felt that I had a larger over-arching purpose, except to have fun, and learn things. My Doctor recently tried to try the diagnosis of ADHD on me, but I do not quite fit the ADHD model, and the medications do not work.
It is frustrating, and exciting, and as I look back over time, things are progressing better than my high school counsellors suggested. Every coach I have ever had brought out the “One Purpose! One ‘Why'” song, and this has never felt right to me. I want to be and do almost everything, and I am a master of a lot of what I have done, but for the most part, I do not have the focus of Mastery in the sense that specialists consider mastery.
“Finishing simply means that you got what you came for”
I love this idea. And it appears nowhere else (I googled it). How come ?!
You’re a genius. I feel better now. Thx.
I never felt like a quitter. I simply felt like being surrounded by ignorant a.holes. I just stopped talking about my projects and plans. I do it for myself anyways. I don’t need no support (good to have it yeah, but I ll survive without it).
I talk about it when I am done and this so far has worked best. I don’t mind the looks and judgment after I have followed my heart. I can live with that. Let them judge all they want I know I have done, seen more and experienced more than all of them combined. But I am so glad I finally met like minded people. Thank you.
x
uly
Watched your TED talk this afternoon and had to pull up your website before the talk was even over. OMG, you hit it right on the head!
I just wrapped up my 3rd seven year “career” as a legal assistant (I’ve always joked that I only have a 7 year attention span). I worked for a local attorney who was near retiring. It was alot of fun at first. With only two of us and a large case load it was fast paced and there was always something new to learn. Then about 2 years ago it happened. I “cracked the code” and the familiar restlessness set in. I told him repeatedly that I thought it was time to move on but he insisted he was going to retire within a year and asked me to stay. I agreed but as the months went by it became obvious that there was always going to be just “one more case”. I became increasingly unhappy, resentful and disrespectful. Suddenly I found myself making ridiculously stupid errors. No matter how hard I tried to focus, the errors continued. It is an old pattern and a form of self-sabotage that I recognize but still seem powerless to avoid. I finally had to quit and since he is mostly computer illiterate he was forced to face the reality that he couldn’t run a part time law business on his own and is finally wrapping it up. So in a way I helped him along his journey also.
Anyway, soooo glad I found this community and look forward to chatting with you all.
Can’t believe I hadn’t seen this post before. Finishing because I ‘got what I came for’ is a revelation to me. So many times I’ve finished something because I got what I came for, whatever it is.
e.g. writing novels. I have had 10 novels published, to see if I could do it and see if I could write in challenging genres. I’ve done that now. I could move on, or just write the odd novel in future. Who knows.
I love this post. Thank you so much Emilie. I’ve been reading all the comments and am struck by the intelligence and sagacity that comes through loud and clear from everyone in this group. How nice it is to find this virtual space and feel surrounded by positive people who are willing to openly share and encourage each other, and who are both interesting and interested! A few here have mentioned a cycle of excitement that wanes and turns to unhappiness (maybe even depression) when they feel compelled to stay the course after their enthusiasm has long since run its course, and others have mentioned being suspected of having ADHD. I have had friends and family tell me they suspect I may be mildly bipolar (which I know I’m not) but your post and the following comments have sparked a question in me. Is it possible that the mood swings which appear arbitrary to others are actually very logical from the perspective of someone who naturally feels elated and enthusiastic when able to follow their curiosity but morose when feeling trapped in a job, career, situation, or whatever long after boredom has set in? I’m a small animal veterinarian and by the 10,000 hour rule (I’ve practiced for 5 years) I may be considered to have achieved some kind of mastery (although obviously I know that in medicine there is always more to learn and skills can always be improved). But I have grown bored with what I perceive to be the same recurring patterns day after day. Epilepsy, diabetes, hyperthyroidism, kidney disease, etc. The first ten times I treated these disorders I was excited and enthusiastic and found it thrilling to research what was considered medical management best practices. But now, meh. I still profoundly love my patients but weeks filled with 10-12-hour shifts leaves zero time and energy left over to pursue other interests (or to even have the brain space necessary for other interests to develop) and I was becoming depressed. So, I’ve decided to take a hiatus and am currently reveling in my new found freedom. For the first time in a long time I’m excited to wake up in the morning because I’m feeling creative and inspired again. Your post helped me to realize that I got what I wanted out of practicing. Now it’s time to do something new. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
I just found my way here and reading this put a big smile on my face.
A lot of people around me state that I rarely finish what I start (several University degrees) or tell others what my plans are and then, when I all the necessary requirements for them are here, I am not sure if I should go that way anymore.
Right now is the first time ever, that all my surroundings actually encourage me to leave my job and go for something new, I am not quite sure which direction the NEW will be, but everything seems right, so I am not concerned 🙂
Hey Emilie,
thanks for this great post! I am new here and looking for different advices, this one is really good.
So I have finished school 3 years ago and since then I am struggling a lot, because I can’t stay with one thing.. I didn’t know what to do when everybody else chose a study or a job to take. I just knew that I don’t want to do one thing I wanted to be free for as many experiences as possible. I started travelling and it was the best time ever.. but I “had” to come back and now I am kind of lost again. I am with my second study and I just hate it.. I try to force myself to take a normal way, because I really want to fit in as much a possible. And of course I need a job to earn money.. I feel like I just want to finally find my place. I don’t know how to take decisions and I don’t want to have this feeling of not being able to finish something so I don’t even want to try something new. I am at the very beginning of my “career” and I just can’t see where it takes me, so I don’t know what to decide for. Maybe someone can give me an advice about how to start and to decide what to do.
Thanks!!
Greetings Nicole
Thank you. This almost brings tears to my eyes! I have so much shame around not finishing what I start. It’s good to see others seeing that as a good thing, not bad!
Love this site. I may have found my home.
Erica
Hiii Erica!! It happened the same to me!!! I can’t believe I’ve founded this website now ( but better later than never!!). I’m a Health Coach, a Master in HR, I have studies in image assesory, Business…and there’s a lot I’ve started and didn’t finish (like Psichology career) so I feel this space can be a home too!!!
Nice to read you!
Agus.
I really like how the article encourages us to define, for ourselves, what finishing means. to some it might be mastery of a few skills while for others is proficiency at many. It encourages me to define what fulfillment means for me rather forcefully following a pre established guideline (that promises joy some time in the future when I have archived the grand goal despite the lack of meaning I feel) to only discover that joy of achievement is short lived. The key to more stable joy lies in the journey and struggles of learning a new skill or creating a project that is deeply meaningful for my self.
Thank you so much for this post! I struggle with this a lot!