Who the Fuck am I?
Image by Neil Rickards, available under CC BY 2.0.

Who the Fuck am I?

Written by Emilie

Topics: Confidence

One of the most common sticking points for people who want to pursue non-traditional paths in life and stand out in any capacity is the fear of being perceived as a phony.

I call it the “who the fuck am I?” complex.

Becoming an Authority

In order to design a life that sustains itself financially, you need to embrace and feature the things that make you unique. As a Scanner, this means constructing a life that integrates your many interests. That way your day is spent doing activities that light you up and don’t feel like work at all.

Whether it’s starting a business, freelancing or even traditional employment, monetizing your passions usually requires you to hold yourself out to be an authority, someone capable of providing a unique service.

An Added Challenge for Multipotentialites

The fear of standing up and presenting yourself as an authority is an issue for most, but especially for multipotentialites who, by definition, aren’t an expert in any particular field.

Throughout our lives, us puttylike types have been made to feel like failures and scatter brains, told to “buckle down” and “grow up”. Our unique abilities have been perceived as less valuable than our specialist counterparts.

Now, you and I both know that this is total garbage. But years of hearing this message can lead to some unhealthy internalized beliefs.

So lets eradicate this pesky “who the fuck am I?” complex once and for all, shall we?

Expertise is Overrated

The first thing you must understand is that expertise is highly overrated.

What is an ‘expert’ anyway? Someone who has put in their 10,000 hours? Come on. For the vast majority of opportunities in this world, expertise (in the 10,000 sense) is not a true requirement.

For most things in life, it doesn’t matter how many hours you’ve practiced your craft or what kind of credentials you have. Naturally there is some correlation between experience and mastery, but in truth, all that matters is whether you can deliver.

Let me repeat that.

All that matters is whether you can deliver.

That’s it.

Are there more experienced web designers than me out there? Sure. But am I still able to give my clients exactly what they want? You bet.

Are there guitarists out there with more experience than me? Um yeah. But does that mean I can’t teach you how to play some chord patterns and maybe even master a few jazzy diminished chords? I can totally do that.

What about blogging and business coaching? Sure, you could hire an A-list blogger to teach you how to get started, but could I help you? Totally! (and at a fraction of the cost). I’ve absorbed tons of information even in the short time I’ve been doing this.

You Know More than You Think

If you’ve learned even a little beyond what the average person knows on a given topic, then you have wisdom to share. Don’t undervalue yourself.

Beginners often like hearing from the little guy- someone who’s just a few steps ahead of them. This kind of advice can even be more helpful than ‘expert advice’, since it comes from someone who was recently where they are.

One of the best nuggets of advice I ever encountered on this topic comes from Everett Bogue‘s book Minimalist Business. I actually copied this passage into a separate text file when I first read it because I thought it was so brilliant:

Most people spend their entire lives trying to live up to a benchmark that is one step beyond what they’re able to achieve. Don’t live like this. Instead, take the opposite approach.

Tell everyone that you’ve blown your own benchmark out of the water. Create a product around how you got your first true fan, and sell it for $10 for a day. Maybe you’ll sell ten copies, cool!

Then, write a blog post about how your $100 in a day success story came into practice.

The next thing you’ll know, you’ll be having $1000 a day success stories. A story about tiny success is a big story to the people who aren’t successful at all in the area you’re trying to be successful in. The first few steps of success are also one of the least represented areas of interest to most people. We hear every day about how a huge software company built an empire, but we don’t hear about how you sold your first consulting session.

Present every moment of every day as a success story, and you’ll start to see that every moment really is.

(That was a long passage, but I felt like it deserved to be included in full. You can check out the rest of Everett’s wonderful book right here. You should get on it fast though because he’s changing directions with his writing and I’m not sure how much longer his minimalist books will be available.)

If it Feels Obvious, That’s a Good Sign

It’s ironic. We so often take for granted those skills that seem effortless to us. We forget that they didn’t always come so easy or that other people may not have the same aptitudes as us. Information you consider to be obvious, isn’t obvious to everyone.

If something seems like a no-brainer (or better yet, is ENJOYABLE) to you, that’s a sign that it’s something you should be sharing with the world.

You’re an Expert until Someone Says Otherwise– and they Usually Don’t

A little secret:

There’s no national guild of experts out there, going around giving out badges to the true experts and exposing the amateurs as fakes.

The fact is that most people are looking for leadership- people who understand their particular problem and can provide them with solutions. If you present yourself with confidence, as someone who knows what you genuinely know (without elevating yourself beyond that), the people who want to learn from you will come forward. The rest will go away.

Ignore the haters. They are not your audience.

There’s Someone Out There who Can Hear Only YOU

Okay so that was a cheesy heading… But it’s true!

It doesn’t matter whether the information you’re sharing could be discovered via google searches or in the archives of other blogs. There’s something unique about the way that YOU present it and interact with your people. It’s a quality that can’t be replicated by anyone.

See, what’s important isn’t the number of hours you’ve got under your belt. If your style and personality resonate with someone, you’ll be able to give that person exactly what they’re looking for. And that may be something that even an ‘expert’ can’t provide.

This is why it’s so important to pour your personality into everything that you do. Your uniqueness is your calling card. Feature it.

***

Have you run up against the ‘who the fuck am I?’ complex in the past? How have you dealt with it?

52 Comments

  1. Nunzio Bruno says:

    Great post! I really liked that you stated that you are an expert until someone tells you that you aren’t – that rarely happens and even if it does I still think you can call yourself an expert. Focusing on results is also a great way to look at it. I consult and coach, sure I have my Master’s Degree in Financial Planning but I run up against Dr’s in the field and advisors with over 30+yrs experience constantly. I think they respect me because I don’t back down and I have passion about what I do on the web at http://www.financiallydigitial.com and with my small practice – also I can show them results. I totally support this post and still think of my self as someone with mulipotentials :)

    • Emilie says:

      Hi Nunzio,

      Nice! That’s totally the way to do it. Being perceived as a professional really starts with portraying yourself as one. When you’re passionate and believe in yourself, most people won’t even bother questioning your ‘credentials’.

      Thanks for the comment!

  2. Great post Emilie! I have to admit I am a sucka myself for doubting my own skills and capabilities (thinking that I have to be expert). Luckily for me, I have had the opportunity to be hired by a few clients (knowing that I don’t have much experience)of mine where we have bargained each other’s services for payment or doing plain ole’ pro bono. However, I decided that I no longer want to go the “free” route this year and will begin to charge for my services. I think the biggest hurdle here is getting over this Malcolm Gladwell rule of putting in 10K hours (in Outliers). Once that is done, there will be more consultants, freelancers, etc out in the world. So we still have some time to reape the benefits before everyone catches on :)

    • Emilie says:

      Haha Monique, I never thought of it that way… Let everyone read Outliers (which I’m currently reading btw) and let them all believe that they need to put in the 10K hours. We’ll be worlds ahead by then. ;)

      I’ve given a bit of free coaching myself recently, but mostly just to gain some experience (not 10,000 hours. More like 10.. heh) and boost my confidence. A little bit of practice is cool, I think. But I’m definitely starting to feel like the value I provide is up to par with some of the coaching I’ve received from the ‘pros’ in the past. All to say, I’m going to start charging for my services shortly, just like you.

      It’s all about being able to deliver. If you can do that, that’s really all that matters.

      Thanks for the comment Monique. (oh and when’s the podcast coming out? Looking forward to launching and podcasting around the same time as you… I’m thinking we should form a little podcast entourage! What do ya say? :)

  3. ayngelina says:

    Oh man are you ever reading my mind lately. I’ve always struggled with the fact that I can do a lot of things really well but I’m not at the best at any of them.

    It wasn’t until I started blogging that I realized so many people saw me as better than I saw myself.

    • Emilie says:

      Hey Ayngelina,

      Isn’t it cool how that happens? You just sort of have to bide your time and pretend like you know what you’re doing and then suddenly other people start taking you seriously.

      It’s like you said, they see you better than you see yourself. And that, of course, acts as a feedback loop– Not that we should be relying on other people for validation, but once you see how much other people get out of your work, you can start to trust that you’re not full of shit. (to put it bluntly. :)

      Thanks for the comment!

  4. Mark says:

    “There’s no national guild of experts out there, going around giving out badges to the true experts and exposing the amateurs as fakes.”

    This is true. Action is everything. Though I must admit as someone trying to build a business and finding the right people, it can be incredibly difficult to wade through the BS and find the right people for design, programming, and such. It can be overwhelming.

    How do you show your clients you’re worth it?

    • Emilie says:

      Really good point Mark. I’ve come across the same problem. I think you need to take a look at what they’ve done in the past and more than anything, trust your instincts.

      The thing is, even some so-called ‘experts’ don’t know what they’re talking about. Or they may be ‘book smart’ but not so creatively inclined. The worst thing you can do is just assume someone will deliver because they’re an ‘expert’.

      This past year I was dealing with some health-related issues and I ended up getting a lot of opinions from both regular doctors and naturopaths. What I learned is that just because someone went to med school and got ‘proper accreditation’, that doesn’t mean they’re better able to help me. But at the same time, there were naturopaths that were completely full of shit too and just wanted to sell me products. In the end, I found my right people. But it took some experimentation and fine-tuning of my bullshit detector. Mostly though, I just had to learn to trust my gut– and the results, of course.

      How do you show your clients you’re worth it? You show them what you’ve done in the past. That’s why it’s sometimes not a bad idea to work for free (or for less) at first.

      The first few websites I designed were for friends and I didn’t get paid very well. But those sites totally impressed future clients who did end up paying professional rates. That’s also part of the reason I’ve been giving free coaching. Testimonials are awesome social proof.

      You don’t want to get stuck doing free work forever, but I think a bit at first is totally legitimate. Check out Monique’s comment above. I think she really hit the nail on the head there.

      Thanks for the comment Mark!

  5. Cara Stein says:

    Good point about the advice of someone just a few steps ahead being valuable. I think it’s easy to get lost in all the “be authentic, don’t write it if you’re not living it!” advice and think you can’t write about anything until you’ve put in your 10k hours or whatever. I’ve definitely struggled with that on my blog–it’s about how to have a satisfying life, but sometimes I’m totally dissatisfied with my life! Does that make me a fraud? No, it makes me a person on the path. Reading about the journey is at least as valuable as reading about the destination–probably more so. Thanks for a great post!

    • Emilie says:

      “Reading about the journey is at least as valuable as reading about the destination–probably more so.”

      Completely agree.

      Some of my favourite blogs are the ones that chronicle journeys. You get to see the blogger start off as a beginner, pursuing some big goal. You watch them grow and fail and then bounce back and learn and come closer and closer to reaching that goal. That’s way more exciting than reading about someone who’s got everything figured out!

      Thanks for a great comment Cara. :)

  6. Trever Clark says:

    Reminds me also of something that Dave Navarro (the blogger, not the dude from Jane’s Addiction) was talking about awhile back. The way he put it was that expertise is actually a 10 point scale. Maybe you’re not a 9 or 10. Maybe you’re a 3 or 4. But at a 3 or 4, people who are 1s or 2s would be thrilled to pay you for your experience.

    There’s always some value that you can bring to the table, for someone, no matter what your level of mastery of a skill is. Ya know?

  7. Rebecca says:

    Aw man, your timing with this is impeccable! I am in the throes of a serious “who the fuck am I?” crisis and trying to figure out what to make of myself right now. I have actually been reading this post throughout the afternoon, going back and forth to it as I start lists of my interests, my skills and areas of potential.

    I also reached out for a little help from my friends (check your email ;) for a memory boost on what I’m good at and how I can apply it to my life. I’ve already gotten a couple of really motivating responses and I’m realising that sometimes it’s as simple as just asking someone whose opinion you value “hey, what do you think I can do?”

    I think the best way to really combat this dreaded life phase is surround oneself with supportive people who will listen and offer constructive input, taking personal time to reflect on the things one has done and what one wants to do (make lists!), and just remember that this too shall pass.

    What you say about expertise being overrated was really helpful too, because my lack of it was really bumming me out. Thanks Em!

    • Emilie says:

      Rebecca,

      You’re awesome! I mean, I see so much creativity and ambition bustling inside of you. You could totally just..crush it! and pull anything off. I honestly believe that.

      I totally agree about support too. It’s like what Ayngelina said above, sometimes it takes a bit of validation from others to jump start your own inner validation mechanism. And until that happens, you just sort of have to go on blind faith… the old ‘fake it till you make it’ adage, I suppose.

      Thanks for the awesome comment. I’ll shoot you back an email shortly and we’ll chat. :)

  8. Angela says:

    Yet another excellent post! I used to shoot down all my ideas, one reason because I didn’t think I was skilled enough to bring much value to anything. Silly me. You’re right, I don’t have to be the industry top expert in anything to be able to give value. Thanks for all your help (this blog & coaching)!

    • Emilie says:

      Yup, you’ve got lots to share!

      And you’re most welcome, Angela. I’ve gotten so much out of working with you too. You were my first coaching guinea pig and the experience really reminded me how much I love working one on one with people. So thanks. :)

  9. Rob says:

    Hmmm… like the idea of starting small and snowballing your accomplishments into more lucrative opportunities. Good stuff!

    • Emilie says:

      That’s how it’s done. I like going back and reading the first few posts of the A-list blog. Usually there are only a couple comments at best. It’s cool to see the progression.

  10. Gareth says:

    There’s a fun phrase I like to use for scanners. “Functional Expertise” It’s the ability to become good enough in something to be able to talk to experts, but still able to explain the more difficult concepts to a complete beginner. These “translators” are incredibly important, as otherwise, experts would only be able to pass knowledge onto other experts and no new people would ever enter those fields.

    • Emilie says:

      “Functional Expertise”, that’s great. I might just borrow that Gareth.

      Scanners do tend to be good at bridging gaps as well as bringing disparate ideas together, don’t they?

      Thanks Gareth!

  11. Michelle says:

    I actually had a reminder of something like this the other day – I emailed a friend outlining my productivity techniques because she had asked for suggestions on Twitter, and I’m a total productivity/planning nerd. She emailed back with “This is AWESOME! You could write a mini guide about this!”

    Which is something I had *never* thought of, but I would absolutely love to do and have fun with!

    I think this problem is actually worse for Scanner types than it is for specialists – specialists tend to have their one thing, which is an obvious choice for livelihood. Whereas we have so many different things that it’s easy for one or more to get lost in the shuffle.

    • Emilie says:

      Right on, that’s awesome. And it’s true, we totally overlook our biggest strengths sometimes. That’s also a good example of why we should be asking our community what they want. Often it’s something really simple that we never would have considered.

      Let me know if you end up writing your mini guide, Michelle. It sounds good!

  12. Mark Powers says:

    Emilie! Yes, I love this post! I was just chatting about this with someone I’m helping with his website. To the guy who knows less than you, you ARE that “expert.” You know something that he would like to know/learn. To him, there’s a value in that. And you’re line, “all that matters is whether you can deliver,” is a new motto for me- love it! Thanks for sharing.

  13. Chase Night says:

    Hi Emilie! I second that advice about learning from people a few steps ahead of you. When you try to emulate someone at the top of the ladder you often fail because you don’t see the steps they took to get there. You don’t know their struggles so you get so overwhelmed by your own for not matching up to their “overnight” success.

    I’m downloading your e-book right now! Glad to have found you. :)

    • Emilie says:

      Hey Chase,

      Very true. I really like looking back at successful blogs to try to dissect the progression actually. But what has been more helpful is just talking to bloggers who are a few steps ahead of me or even at my same level. I’ve learned just as much, if not more, from my peers than from the supposed pros.

      I’m glad you found me too. Actually, I was just checking out your your site- it’s fantastic! This niche is so saturated and it’s such a breath of fresh air to find something original. I love the post you wrote about “fucking minimalism”.

      Let me know what you think of the manifesto. Lets do the Twitter thing. :)

  14. Hey Emilie!
    1st of all, I have to say that you ROCK!
    About a year and a half ago I was really stressed out and confused with myself. I didn’t understand why I had so many interests and why it was that I can be crazy obsessed with something for some time, and then the second something else catches my eye I simply can’t help to move on!
    And then I was browsing Borders when I found a book on Scanners. And I was like, Holy Shit that’s me! And there are tons of others out there just like me! :) And I remember thinking, “So wait, it’s okay I don’t necessarily become an EXPERT in just ONE thing like everyone’s been telling me I should be doing FOREVER?!?!”

    That was a great moment. And since then I’ve truly embraced all my crazy interests from playing classical guitar to blogging to learning magic tricks to jewelry making to Spanish haha. Okay, I could go on way too long here as you know.

    Anyway, I really enjoyed this post. And I loved the quote you put from Everett’s blog. Really great stuff and it motivated me a lot actually.

    I am glad to have come across your blog lately! I think I’m going to enjoy hanging around your corner of the blogosphere :)

    – LAUR

    • Emilie says:

      Hey Laur,

      Aw thanks so much for the kind words and the encouragement. I’m glad you’ve come to terms with your multipotentiality. It’s so awesome being this way eh? Just getting to do everything you want without needing to apologize for that? I love it.

      Thanks for the comment and for being so rad. I’m really happy that you’re a part of the Puttylike community. :)

      P.s. the interests you listed are super cool btw!

  15. Oooh! Another good one! Way to be awesome, no wonder I like you. I still have those moments, but ‘ve really come to accept that all my scannery ways are what makes me an awesome authority. Because I’m a designer, a programmer, a marketer, a consultant, intuitive, and teach people about personality… my website that I make for them not only will function well, be coded cleanly, look nice, but will also have good copywriting, match their personality, match their brand, will convert, and will work. I’ve been fixing a lot of other peoples’ messes lately, and realizing how clearly these people just hired a designer. What a shame… though… good for me, I guess.

    I think that “small passage” you pasted is friggin awesome!

    • Emilie says:

      heh that’s awesome Ori! You don’t seem to be someone who’s lacking in confidence! :) But it’s like you said, we all have those moments from time to time. Seriously though, how much easier does life get once you accept and embrace your scannery ways? I know for me that was a huge turning point.

      Thanks for the comment man. If I weren’t a web designer, I would totally hire you. :)

  16. Great post. When we doubt our own skills we lose out on what should of been a great experience. Like today, there this girl, i already like but I haven’t talked to her yet. I just get this intense vibe. But i know i will. and its funny because I talk to everyone else except her and she’s the one I really want to get to know. I realized i was doubting myself, over analyzing and putting her up on a pedestal. Now on Friday’ she’s mine.. unless i see her earlier than that….you know law of attraction and all..lol

    • Emilie says:

      Do it man. We all get nervous around people we like, but it’s important not to put them on pedestals- just treat them with the same kind of friendliness and openness you would anybody else. That’s what’ll make you seem attractive.

      Easier said than done though. We get nervous around people when we care about what they think of us. That’s what differentiates her from every other stranger you approach- the stakes are higher.

      But do it. The longer you wait, the harder it will get. I’m speaking from experience. :)

  17. Mark Harai says:

    Emily, its a pleasure to meet someone who knows who the f#%k they are.

    I’m jumping in your car and coming along for the ride — I can tell by reading just this fist post that you’re going places and sure to stir things up along the way.

    It’s also called “getting it done,” “making things happen,” and “delivering the goods.”

    Yep, I can with that for while.

    Cheers Emilie :)

  18. Mark Harai says:

    Oops, I can ‘hang’ with that for a while :p

    • Emilie says:

      Hi Mark,

      Thanks so much for the kind words! I’m thrilled to have you as a part of the Puttylike community and as a new blogger friend. :)

      I’m looking forward to reading more of your stuff too!

  19. “All that matters is whether you can deliver.”

    It took awhile for me to realise this when I was working as a teacher. I was always measuring myself up against all the other experienced mentors and I felt really bad when I couldn’t reach their standards. Then, I realised that I could do things my way and kids still managed to improve. Not only that, I was able to connect with them and they actually liked me! It was the best moment in my career, knowing that I could still induce progress in my students with only 2 months of experience. :)

    Thanks for sharing this with us! Hope to read more from you.

    Shaheera

    • Emilie says:

      That’s great, Shaheera. I find that we do our best work when we’re not trying to measure up to anybody. We all have such unique qualities and abilities. Once we stop trying to be someone else and embrace our true nature instead, magical things start happening.

      Thanks for sharing. :)

  20. Such a great post. I think many people find themselves paralyzed because they feel like they have to be an expert, or at least highly experienced, before they even attempt to sell whatever skills they have.

    The irony is that you need to sell in order to get that experience, to take those challenging design projects or give guitar lesson, in order to become an expert.

    Somebody once said ‘fake it till you make it’ It seems cliche and a little trite, but it’s so true.

    • Emilie says:

      Great point Seth. So many people seem to get paralyzed by the fear of not being perfect. As a result, they never take the action necessary to improve.

  21. Holli says:

    I am so glad I found this site. Your post is like drinking cool water after a long, hot walk along a dusty trail.
    Seriously perfect timing for me. I realize I’m a little late to comment, but I am a Scanner, and this is the first time I’ve heard the term. This is a really handy trait right now as a stay at home mom. While all my friends are busy building their EXPERTISE and world traveling experience, I often find myself wondering if I have much to talk about or do once the kids need me less. They are 2 and 4 years old.
    I started blogging, but felt a bit intimidated because I didn’t have a strong focus or amazing travel stories. Last week I started to realize that I do have real day to day experience just cooking and living that could help anyone. But good old self doubt is a creepy creature. This post is beating that down.
    Thanks!

    • Emilie says:

      Good! I’m glad to hear it. :)

      Also, I always LOVE hearing from people who have just discovered that they’re a scanner. It’s so amazing. Life gets incredibly fun once you start embracing your multipotentiality.

      Keep it up Holli. I’m looking forward to seeing how your blog evolves.

  22. Keith Kehrer says:

    Emilie,
    Um, every day I ask myself that question. and I am what could be traditionally called an expert in at least two fields given the amount of time I have put into them, but… I still feel like a poser some days.

    You are right though. When people come to me it is because I have an interesting approach and my personality engages them. If I try to do it any other way, I fail.

    Keith

  23. grace says:

    Why the fuck did I not come across your blog earlier?! I honestly have the urge to give you a hug right now. \ (•-•) /

    Thank you for the awesome & bullet to the heart (in a good way) reads. I hope the lost multipotentialites out there would stumble upon this and realise that we’re all awesome beings regardless of what the society negatively labels us as.

    Grace

  24. RMS says:

    Hi Emilie,
    I cannot tell you how HAPPY I felt today after listening to your TED talk and reading your blog because you seemed to have nailed my personality!!! I finally have a “type”, the three powers, and those are what I can finally use to DEFINE and market myself to potential employers!! I’ve been constantly struggling to articulate the following questions ALL my life: “What is my area of interest? What is the one thing I am passionate about? What am I an expert at? Even though I am not an expert at any given field, why would someone want to hire me? What value do I bring to the table?”. But guess what you seemed to have solved my problem spot on!. THANK YOU – you have provided me with much confidence in my job search now. I am planning to return to work after being a stay-at-home mom for 10 years and today’s experience was a total revelation!

  25. Marie Malo says:

    First of all, thank you.
    I just watch your Ted talk and am so relieved so think that I could be myself a multipotentialite. Not only because it does sound really cool, but because that could explain so much…
    But then that brings all sorts of questions, what/who am I, if I keep quitting everything I start when there is the slightest difficulty ? Am I a scanner with no confidence, or just a quitter?
    I wish I’d do so many things but then I have to admit that I am not sure to be able to do them. Going through a few of your article, an hopeful feeling gets to me. It is just so difficult to get to change bad habits you’ve always have had, find/build confidence you never had, and DO instead of thinking.

    I will keep in mind all that I read in your website, which I am so glad I discovered. Already trying to figure out when and how to start the process of realizing myself… :)

    Ps: If you find any mistakes of spelling or speaking in this text, pardon my french, as I am one.

  26. Govind Mohandas says:

    hello.
    I am so glad i came across your talk, you and this website.
    I might well be the most ‘multipotentialite’ (although i must say i dont like this term) of all multipotentialites and while my parents say that this many talents and interests should actually be bringing joy to my life, it has so far been more a bit of a burden and a cause for frustration.
    still i am working on finding myself..but maybe i shouldn’t no?

    anyways, good to know you’re out there. may our paths cross at some point.

    love
    G

    • Keith says:

      Govinda,

      I don’t think it’s about finding yourself. Your self is already there. You just need to uncover it. Find help in shining a light on your best things.

      KK

  27. Julz says:

    Holy moly, this makes so much sense.

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