Battling the Fear Monster a.k.a. The Reason this Website Almost Didn’t Happen

Dear Puttylike reader, this is a classic Puttylike post. Meaning, it’s from the early days–from before I really found my voice or knew what I was doing. I’ve chosen to keep this post online for the benefit of Puttylike readers who have worked their way backward through the archives. And also to highlight the fact that everybody starts somewhere! xo, Emilie

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You are reading this now because I have (so far) been able to ward off my fears and insecurities again and again. You see, there’s a phenomenon that occurs every time you pursue a passion that really matters to you. Your fears continually try to stop you at every turn, in any way they can.

Steven Pressfield describes this phenomenon as Resistance. He also says that the more important something is to your purpose in life, the more Resistance you will face.

Many people have written about this. Some call it Resistance, others call it Lizard Brain, others refer to it as some form of homeostasis. It’s the desire to do nothing. To not change. To stay in a comfortable and familiar place. It prevents us from taking risks, putting ourselves out there, and breaking free from the status quo. And it manifests itself in a myriad of different ways: procrastination, self-doubt, fear of failure, self-medication…

Acknowledging this self-sabotaging monster inside and dealing with it over and over again is the only way to triumph. It’s the only way to create anything that you really care about.

So here I am, launching the website.

I’m going to be very honest now and tell you about some of the fears I faced while preparing to launch.

My 3 biggest fears around launching Puttylike

1. Who the f*** Am I?!

This was definitely my #1 fear. I worried that I had nothing to share. That I would just be regurgitating other people’s material and that I was by no means an expert on any of this.

How I dealt (and continue to deal) with it:

I remind myself that while I may not have it all figured out, I am a lot more confident than I used to be. I have learned some really valuable things that I can totally share with others.

Plus, I have indeed accomplished things- Some really big things! And I think I’m pretty darn good at being the kind of person who does her own thing and pursues her interests. I mean, just look over my resumé. If there’s anything I’m an expert at, it’s being a non-expert at any one thing but really really good at many things. And that’s the point of this website right? That right there should qualify me to talk on the subject matter.

Moreover, even though there are people out there doing similar things and spreading similar ideas, nobody is quite like me. I will bring my own unique slant and personality to everything I talk about.

2. What will people think?

Ah yes… this fear. How this troubled me. I imagined my friends laughing at me. I imagined people I hardly know on Facebook seeing this website and judging me. I imagined my 4th grade bullies (yes, that’s plural) talking about what “that weird girl Emilie” is up to. This was a really hard one for me.

How I dealt (and continue to deal) with it:

I remind myself that every “public person” has detractors and if you’re not pissing somebody off, you’re probably doing something wrong. This just means that your message has some substance to it. You’re not just reiterating the status quo, you’re challenging it. Naturally, some people won’t like this, but that actually means that you’re doing things right.

First of all, my friends (my close friends) aren’t going to laugh at me. This fear (like most) is unfounded. The friends I’ve spoken to about Puttylike have been nothing but supportive… (I also pick awesome friends, so that helps).

As it turns out, the people whose opinions I worry about most are the people I am not close to and don’t much care for. So who cares what they think! Plus it’s always easier to criticize others than to do something yourself. Everyone knows that.

Finally, I really only need to appeal to a small group of likeminded people in order to make this work so I don’t need everyone to like me.

3. What If I Fail?

What if this website falls apart, nobody reads the blog, and I can’t keep coming up with new content. That will make me a failure!

How I dealt (and continue to deal) with it:

I remind myself that every creative or entrepreneurial type who has succeeded had a string of flops first.
There’s a great line from 30 Rock that actually never aired. (I know it because I read the original script while doing research for my spec. In the end, they replaced the dialogue in the script with a different joke on the show… which may actually mean that it’s NOT a great line… heh.. But I like it).

Right after the flop of Kenneth’s show “Gold Case” (a cross between “Who Wants to be a Milionaire” and “Deal or No Deal”), Jack turns to him and says something like:

“Congratulations on your first failure Kenneth. You’re on your way to becoming a Multimillionaire.”

The thing that separates those who succeed from those who fail is that people who eventually succeed have the resilience to fail and try again. They turn their failures into feedback and refine their strategy till they make it. They keep trying when almost everybody else in their position would give up. This is what separates them from the rest.

So even if this website “fails”, that’s AWESOME! 🙂 It means I’m on my way and I will be in good company. Plus I will have learned so much that I will do it much better the second time around.

Mostly though, I know deep down that the reason these fears are arising over and over again is because Puttylike is something that matters to me. It’s something that’s important to my central purpose. And I have a responsibility to myself and to everyone who might benefit from the site to battle these fears and keep moving forward.

I must say though, the more I fight my fears, the easier it becomes and the less frequently they return. But they do always, inevitably return. It just comes with taking risks and challenging yourself.

Your Turn

What are some of your fears and how have you responded to them?