Why It’s Okay to Abandon Some of Your Goals

Just over a year ago, I had recently graduated from college and was planning to begin graduate school. I accepted a place to begin my Master of Philosophy degree at the University of Oxford, a move that would likely mark the beginning of a path to a career in academia. I had never considered academia as a career option until my junior year of college, but I loved my philosophy and neuroscience classes and could already envision tons of opportunities to expand on my senior thesis research. I worked so hard throughout college, especially during a full year of virtual classes due to the pandemic, and it felt like my efforts were paying off.

I was absolutely thrilled about the prospect of attending Oxford—an opportunity that would require me to leave my home in the US and relocate to the UK. Until I wasn’t.

As I got closer to actually relocating, I began to feel increasing stress and doubt about what I was doing. Even though I had received scholarships, I would still need a loan to attend. The prospect of that debt made me increasingly anxious as I tried to weigh whether the experience and education would be worth it. The physical process of beginning to pack my bags brought the reality of the situation into clearer focus, since I wouldn’t be able to bring most of my musical instruments with me. I must have realized that much earlier in the planning process, but the visceral gut reaction I experienced while packing totally caught me off guard. I remember thinking, I’m making this huge move, but I’m leaving what’s most important to me behind.

I suddenly realized that, literally and figuratively, pursuing my goal at the time was leading me to move away from some of the most important parts of my identity.

Instead of going to Oxford, I stayed in the US and worked in retail for about a year. My career experiences during this time ended up being valuable, and my job enabled me to earn money while reassessing my plans and ultimately shifting my focus back to music. I currently teach instrumental music at two lessons studios while also working as a freelance writer, and I am beginning a master’s degree in music production and composition.

Aiming at a moving target

Within roughly a year and a half, I completely shifted focus, changed my goals, and set out in pursuit of a totally different path. I am definitely proud that I had the confidence to change my mind in the way that I did, and it feels so much better to be working toward a target that better aligns with my long-term interests and identity.

While I would describe changing my goals as a liberating and empowering process, it was also intensely challenging. Shifting paths in the way that I did provoked a lot of self-doubt, and at times I began to feel like I was sabotaging myself. The targets I was aiming for kept moving, but I was the one moving them.

It was also difficult to explain my change in direction to people who had only known me for a few years, or who had provided me with academic or professional guidance about grad school and academia. But the people who had known me the longest thought that what I was doing made total sense!

For a brief period of time—which felt like a long time!—I wondered whether I would be able to stick with any goal long enough to bring it to fruition. (If you’ve ever felt this way, you know that this type of self-doubt can easily escalate into shame.) But I ultimately reminded myself that I wasn’t abandoning a longstanding goal in favor of something new and impulsive. Instead, I was returning to a revised version of something I had wanted to do since childhood.

I am definitely proud that I had the confidence to change my mind in the way that I did, and it feels so much better to be working toward a target that better aligns with my long-term interests and identity.

Changing your aim

One of the most difficult aspects of making a significant change to your goals is questioning whether you’re making the right decision. Deciding to shift your focus can be especially rough when it might mean letting go of something (even temporarily) that you have already dedicated your precious time and energy to pursuing.

At the same time, you might have a strong intuition that the new target you have in mind will be for the best. (And if you’re like me, you want to trust your instincts but might need to think through your options a bit more methodically to substantiate whichever direction you’re leaning!)

These four considerations helped me feel better about my change in direction, and I hope they will enable you to assess (or reassess) your own targets and how they align with your long-term identity and fit into the life you want to live.

1. Consider the path

The potential challenges and logistics involved in pursuing a particular goal can (and should) be significant factors in determining whether to stay on a path or change direction. These factors are also probably what prevent multipotentialites from totally changing our career trajectories every few weeks!

While reassessing my own plans, I became more aware of the intense competition for jobs in academia, largely for adjunct or short-term roles. My initial reaction was that, if I were going to be entering a highly competitive field no matter what, I would rather work toward a career in music: the hypercompetitive industry I had originally wanted to pursue! As you consider moving in a new direction, be honest with yourself about the challenges you may face along the way and evaluate whether these hurdles will be manageable and worth it for you to reach your goal.

2. Imagine your destination(s)

There’s incredible value in being able to visualize the outcome of a particular path and how it will make you feel, especially when it comes to momentous life decisions. In my case, as I got closer to making a move and things began to get more “real,” I realized I was about to make a huge mistake. During my initial decision-making process, I had placed a lot of emphasis on feeling assured that I had my future plans organized and maintaining my track record of (allegedly) “having my life together.” Consequently, I probably wasn’t thinking very clearly about how this new life might look and feel in the long-term.

When I actually envisioned a long-term career in academia and imagined what my daily life would look like, I felt trapped and artistically stifled. In comparison, in imagining a career in music production and media scoring, I felt excited by the prospect of working on different projects, collaborating with a variety of artists, and retaining more creative agency over my career. Even if you like the idea of a particular career or opportunity, if you don’t envision yourself deriving joy, growth, or a sense of purpose from it, that option might not be what’s best for you.

3. Respect the power of context

Looking back, I can tell that my decision-making process in considering an academic career was hugely impacted by global circumstances at the time. I think that I envisioned attending grad school and working in academia as being safe and predictable, while world events were the exact opposite. Even though I had originally planned to pursue a musical career path after college, and I still envisioned that target in the back of my mind, my aim had temporarily shifted in response to how the pandemic impacted my thinking and worldview.

Recognizing the impact of your circumstances when you initially decided to pursue something can be a major factor in determining whether to stick with it or go in a different direction. If you can look back and clearly identify where your reasoning was flawed or swayed by external influences, allow yourself the latitude to rethink your options from a new perspective.

4. Remember that you aren’t starting from scratch

People who have been wholeheartedly devoted to a particular career or pursuit (can you imagine?!) might seem to be way ahead of you when you commit to a new goal. If you’re considering a stark change in direction, seeing these individuals excelling might begin to dissuade you from embarking on your new path.

But you, as a multipotentialite, will inherently bring unique strengths to every new endeavor you pursue. It also doesn’t make sense to compare yourself, especially as a beginner, to someone who has been practicing a particular skill or building their career for years. (While this idea seems obvious, that doesn’t always stop us from making unhelpful comparisons that can take a toll on our self-esteem!) Keep in mind that your own targets may be completely different from the goals of others you might be tempted to compare yourself to. For this reason, it’s healthy and meaningful to be cognizant of the specific target you’re aiming for, and appreciate your own progress along the way!

Embrace the discomfort

I can honestly say that letting go of a goal that meant a lot to you—even for a short period of time—will not be an easy or comfortable experience. But sometimes it’s necessary to move away from a pursuit that isn’t serving you anymore. By intentionally making the decision to drop an outdated goal, you open yourself to whatever new goals and possibilities you feel drawn to pursue.

Your turn

Have you ever made a drastic revision or change to your goals? What did that decision teach you about yourself? Scroll down and share your experience with the community!